Camera of Desire
by obsidians
Summary: Shampoo purchases a camera that allows someone to see what their photo subjects desire the most; she soon comes to regret it. M for content


Funny little one shot, at least I think so.

"It perfect" Shampoo said as she rubbed her hands together. She'd waited for six months to receive it and it had taken two week's salary to purchase the camera, but hopefully it would be worth it. It was called the Camera of Hidden Desire and would show in the pictures what a person most desired in their hearts. Shampoo had found it in a catalogue that was sent to her great-grandmother from a store the specialized in spelled objects. It looked exactly like a regular Polaroid camera, so no one would be the wiser.

She grinned like the cat she was and purred "now Shampoo find out that Ranma loves her for sure"

The first person she encountered was Mousse "good morning my beloved...ump" he said when she placed her hand over his mouth.

"Can Shampoo take picture of you?" she asked him sweetly, giving him her cutest smile.

"Y-you really want a picture of me, why of course my love...ump"

"Yes, you just stand against wall and I take picture" she said.

"Like this?" Mousse asked, folding his hands into his robe and smiling.

"Yes, perfect" Shampoo said and snapped his picture, he blinked at the flash and she pulled out the developing photo. She managed to repress her snickers at the sight of herself and him in front of a hut that resembled those from home, surrounded by children. For added effect, he wasn't wearing his glasses and seemed to have perfect vision.

"Is it any good?" Mousse asked her.

She tucked it away and said; "if I show you I ruin your birthday present" and she left the baffled boy with a swish in her step, elated that the camera had worked.

"Morning great-grandmother" Shampoo greeted her with when she went into the kitchen.

"Good morning Shampoo, is that a new camera?" she asked her.

Shampoo hadn't told Cologne about her purchase because she thought such objects to be frivolous magic as it didn't cause people to fall in love. "Yes my friend sent it to me. I take your picture?" she asked just out of curiousity about what Cologne might desire.

"I suppose so, I don't much care for pictures of myself these days" she said and straightened her shoulders and smiled, a ghastly sight. Shampoo smiled back and snapped her picture. She pulled out the developing shot and blanched when it showed Cologne wearing a wedding dress, apparently she was the bride of a wedding. She was kissing her groom and...it was Ranma! Shampoo blinked in surprise at this.

"What is it dear, is the picture no good? Pictures of me never look any good. It must be the cameras they're making these days. Can I see it?" she asked her as she reached for the picture.

Shampoo hastily snatched it away "it not good at all, it blurry and out of focus. Make you look like strange monkey. I throw it out. Must go, I want to meet airen at his school and take his picture" she said, practically running from the kitchen. She thrust the photo into the nearest garbage bin and felt a little jealous that her great-grandmother wanted the same man as her...it was just so wrong!

While lost in thought, she literally ran into Nabiki Tendo and her camera accidently went off, to flash in the devious girl's face.

"Geeze, Shampoo where's the fire" she asked her and bent to pick up her book bag and lunch.

"I so sorry, your lunch okay? If not I bring you ramen during your lunch hour" Shampoo offered.

"It seems to be" Nabiki said, examining the scarf holding her bento box closed.

Shampoo picked up the photo and gasped to be holding a picture of Kuno wearing only a smile while a leather clad Nabiki rode him. She held a cream pie over her head as if meaning to smash it on his body, due to the amount of cream coating them both it didn't seem to be the first one. Shampoo had always thought that Akane Tendo was the perverted sister; it seems she'd been mistaken. Shampoo quickly thrust the photo into her pocket. She bowed to Nabiki, "I sorry about lunch, I bring ramen to cafeteria at noon" she said and departed.

"Wait, I said my lunch was okay" she called after her, 'strange girl" she commented and went on her way.

Shampoo ran from Nabiki and her weird fetish as fast as she could, until she smacked up against a rock solid chest. She leaned back to see Kuno standing there.

"I know you, you're Shampoo. You should be more careful when you run, a lesser person would have been hurt" he chided her.

She stared up at the known pervert and shouted at him "I no take your picture"

"I didn't ask you to. Are you okay? Did you perhaps hit your head a little too hard?" he suggested, a little unnerved by her peculiar reaction.

"You stay away from me and camera" she said backing away from him, she had no desire to learn what lurked in _his_ heart.

"Fine I shall just go to school then" he said as his dismissed her with irritation and continued on his way.

Shampoo held the camera to her carefully as she walked, so that she wouldn't accidently find out any more disturbing things about the people she thought she knew. She white knuckled it to her when Happosai skipped in front of her, followed by an all girls volley ball team. "Why there so many perverts in Nerima!" she shouted in Mandarin, causing people to look at her like she was nuts.

Then she saw Ukyou; sweet, safe Ukyou whose only desire was to become the wife of Ranma and open a restaurant with him. She tolerated the other girls, but actually rather liked the down to earth quality of the feisty cross dressing girl. "Ukyou, mind if I take you picture?" she asked her in her need to get the other disturbing images out of her head. She knew that Ukyou's picture would be as wholesome as the girl herself.

"I just woke up, I must be a mess" she said fiddling with her hair.

"No you look great" she assured her.

"No problem then" she said, mugging for the camera and making a v sign at her. Shampoo happily snapped it and watched it develop. Her jaw dropped to see Ukyou cross dressed, of course that was nothing new. What shocked her was the sight of Ranma dressed as a French maid; the male side of him that is. He was kneeling down on all fours with his skirt hiked up over his hips, with nothing underneath. He was looking over his shoulder and licking is lips while Ukyou stood behind him wearing a huge strapon. Shampoo hastily tore it up.

"What was wrong with the picture?" Ukyou asked, surprised at her friend's violent reaction to it.

"It overexposed, make you look too too not good" she said and bolted away.

Ukyou could only stare after her and then shrugged and went back inside to get ready for school.

Shampoo was wildly freaked out by now and was walking in a daze, she didn't even realize she was being observed until she heard a gentle voice saying, "Shampoo honey are you okay?" and saw the eldest Tendo girl before her holding a sack of groceries.

Shampoo pulled herself together, of all the people she'd met in Nerima, Kasumi was the most innocent, happy being. She was not only centered, but ran her father's home with a Cinderella-like calm that would have given other attractive, late teenaged girls other idea about what to do with knives and relatives. "I okay Kasumi, I thank that you ask. Can I take your picture?" she asked her, expecting it to be of her gardening or something.

"Of course" she said and smiled bewitchingly while Shampoo snapped her picture. Shampoo pulled it out and then went pale; it was the worse one yet. Kasumi stood in foreground wearing a skeleton costume that had cut outs for her breasts and vagina. She was smiling and winking at the camera; the necklace around her neck read Betty. Dr. Tofu was running towards her wearing just his glasses, stethoscope and a pair of boxers, sporting a huge tent. Shampoo shuddered and tore up the photo and jammed it in her pocket with all the rest.

"Oh my, was it that bad?" Kasumi asked her.

"Yes Shampoo's miserable photographer, no do you justice. I had to destroy. You know where Ranma is?" she asked her to change the subject.

"Yes they should have reached the school by now" she said.

Shampoo was relieved when she saw Ranma and Akane approaching the school. Just to be on the safe side she thought that she would ask Akane to take her picture first.

"Hi Ranma" Shampoo said, happy to see her husband.

"Hello Shampoo" Akane said coldly.

"Shampoo I don't want to go on a date with you, I have to go to school" Ranma said, sensing that Akane was about to have a jealous fit.

"No I just wanted to take your pictures" she said sweetly.

"That's all?" Ranma asked suspiciously.

"It's not going to squirt me with ink or anything?" Akane asked hesitantly.

"No is just normal instant camera, press button and picture come out. See?" she said and took a picture of a girl she knew to be Akane's friend...only to find out the hard way that she had a thing for her twin brother. Shampoo stuffed that one away too.

"Well okay" Akane said and smiled for the camera. Shampoo almost laughed out loud at how tame the picture was. Akane and Ranma were older, obviously married, living in the Tendo house and had two children. There was no weirdness; it was perfectly harmless. Feeling encouraged Shampoo turned to Ranma.

"It okay now?" she asked him.

"What about my picture?" Akane asked.

"Artists no show work before it done" she said and took a picture of Ranma with his arms crossed in a relaxed pose. She almost growled in frustration when the result was of him pigging out at a well stocked buffet. "Light bad, I take another" she said, hurriedly snapped one off. This one showed Ranma being awarded the world's best martial art's prize of a huge trophy while his rivals looked on enviously. "All blurry, I take one more" Shampoo said and snapped another off.

"Please hurry up and take it already" Ranma muttered out the side of his mouth, he didn't like holding still for long.

Shampoo watched as it developed. It looked promising at first; it was of two naked lovers locked in an embrace while they kissed passionately. Then Shampoo noticed there was something...odd about the picture. Yes the person opposite Ranma had dark hair, but it was short and looked badly cut...and they wore a bandanna. Their shoulders were wide for a girl...and they were really tall for a girl...not to mention they had a small muscular bottom, that wasn't all that was muscular about them. Shampoo gasped when she recognized the other person to be Ryoga. Ranma was gay!

"Can I see my picture?" Ranma asked her, wondering why she seemed to be frozen in place.

Shampoo turned to him and glared "so this why you no want to date Shampoo?" she snapped, thrusting it into his hand.

Ranma's face burned at the image he had only dared to dream of; especially when Akane took it from him and said "Ranma what are you doing with Ryoga?"

Just then a voice said "what's that Akane?" and to Ranma's horror, Ryoga showed up just in time to hear her and take the picture from her. His face glowed crimson at the suggestiveness of the scene and he got a nosebleed.

"Ranma, so now you have resorted to doctoring photos to smear my reputation? Prepare to die" Ryoga thundered.

"No Ryoga, it isn't what you think" Ranma cried, "give me back that photo" he yelled as it was being passed from person to person. What ensured was a funny scene of Ranma trying to catch the photo while Ryoga chased after him.

Shampoo, meanwhile was stomping down the street, she paused long enough to throw the camera in the trash and mutter "screw this, Japanese men are too weird; I'm going back to China"

Gosunkugi had been watching the petit Amazon girl and wondered what she'd thrown out; curious, he fished her camera out of the garbage. It seemed to be an ordinary camera.

Out of curiousity, he took a picture of the passing Kuno. He pulled it out and waited for it develop. He gaped and got a nosebleed at the scene of both Akane and the female Ranma wearing lingerie and riding boots. They were carrying riding crops and riding on Kuno's bare back, while he wore just a pair of boxers and a horse bridle.


End file.
